fears, they linger

i’m not sure what it is but it grasps me from inside
it tears at my catacombs and leaves me blind.
i ache of emotions that i fathom from afar
and struggle as i might the distance only grows.
“ time heals everything,” i was told long ago
and so now also i still believe.
but sometimes i get stuck and so do the
minutes and the hours that are in front of me.

when will this end, when will all this end…
when will i be in control of myself?
when will this end, when will all this end…
when will i make the choices i need to make?

i understand things on an intellectual level
but there are reasons and causes that are other,
and i feel so afraid when i don’t understand:
it’s like pulling the ground right from under me.
i sip on chamomile and i think to myself
that the ground i walk is fragile anyway:it’s
like walking a tightrope but not being able to see
that you yourself are the one who’s holding it up ;
at any moment, upon your command, the rope
will loosen and you would tumble to the depths…

fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like grease marks on your newest jeans.
fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like dead leaves on a windless street.

and, these fears and pressures you reel for
yourself are but a few long days and lonely
nights that have already passed you by anyway. yes!
thus a void is created that entraps all my fears,
and there i lay dumbfounded, numb
and ill with a restless fatigue.

fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like garbage in a subway car.
fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like mildew in a basement flat.
fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like droppings on your windshield.
fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like snowflakes on your tv screen.
fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like sulfur in your ashtray.
fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like sex stains on your mattress.
fears are as real as you make them out to be:
they linger like bad breath. ~~~