you looked so contrite

today i slept and woke in the middle of the night
all i heard was the ticking of my blasphemous clock
it was black and darker than all my reasons to believe
that you could ever be capable of doing this
now it's noon, the sun has not yet appeared
all its woes gently propose to the wind while below
the ants with their treads and their mills spend
their time counting cracks in the walls and the sky
i've not much to say the irony of this scene
leaves me cold i regret only giving my ears second best
you would say i rendered you foolish and proud
but you were the one who held the sword in her hand
though we hastened to quarrel
i never imagined you'd leave
there were two candle holders a blue telephone
and a blind parrot we got from steve
you wore your overcoat
god you looked so hopeless so contrived
you shouted in rage until the green of your eyes
dimmed and died then you picked up your bag
threw your key and as you left you closed the door
i thought you looked so contrite
it's just a theory but it helps me look really good
i once thought i was attractive but that was many
many many arguments ago when i wasn't so cynical
i still consider myself an optimist but my prescription
is a little stronger it's like getting a dose of happiness
when your mind is asleep while your limbs are immobile
your bones are walking a desert and it's snowing
and you are pale
--- la la la's
i'm glad i have my music though it sometimes holds me
back the notes disperse and i'm left clinging to an
ancient faded idea it isn't anything i can clearly define
but mixed with your scent in the room i was a wet silent
speck of dust you would sharply sweep with your broom
that was then now i must rest from the battle that ensued
it was long it was prone it was stale you were too pretty
and you possessed a one-chambered heart now i see you
reeked of talent and wit but you'd never learn to be smart
though we hastened to quarrel
i never imagined you'd leave
there were two candle holders a blue telephone
and a blind parrot we got from steve
you wore your overcoat
god you looked so hopeless so contrived
you shouted enraged until the green of your eyes
dimmed and died then you picked up your bag
threw your key and as you left you closed the door and waved goodbye with an open palm
i thought you looked so forlorn
now it's different i'm just not as light as i used to be
and it strikes my fancy to find difficulty recalling your
name from my memory or your favorite culinary dish
or the length of your hair and the way you
brushed your teeth the type of books you read
or the signs you showed when you were tired
your laughter still seems to follow me in the street
i wave it off and i look at the trees
they hold a part of the bliss i want to breathe
--- more, very specific la la la's ~~~